Marriage Devotional Day 29 - It’s All About the Approach, Part 1
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:25-28
Hopefully sex is an awesome part of your marriage, as God intended it to be. If so, keep pursuing and enjoying one another!
But if sex is an area of struggle, consider your approach to it: if you have a closed mind and only think negatively about sex, then it will be a negative experience. But if you renew your thoughts and focus on all that is good about it, then it will become more enjoyable.
This does not come easy and chances are that one spouse has a more positive view on sex than the other. But what if we took the time to understand our spouse’s sexual and emotional needs? What if we changed our attitude?
Husbands: your wife is like a big bowl of emotional noodles. All the experiences of her day accumulate and contribute to her emotional and mental state. What happened at 9 AM may still affect how she feels at 10 PM when you ask her for sex. If you neglect your relationship with her throughout the day, she may feel invisible, unappreciated and unloved, so she may deflect your sexual advances.
Loving your wife does include sex, but it also includes spending time with her outside the bedroom and pursuing her heart, not just her body. Song of Songs 7:10 NIV (1984) says, “I belong to my lover and his desire is for me.” Notice that she doesn’t say “his desire is for my body.” His desire is for all of her—body, mind and soul.
A woman is aroused by relationship and romance, what happens before and after the encounter in the bedroom. Women long to feel loved for who they are on the inside, not just what they look like. How can you fill that need inside your wife? Do you make spending time together outside the bedroom just as much of a priority? When was the last time you went on a date together? Or just listened to her talk? When have you last expressed appreciation for all she is to you? How can you romance her in every way possible?
In today’s verse, Paul commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church—to love her sacrificially. Loving your wife in this way and pursuing her heart may not come naturally or easily, but it’s an investment that will pay great dividends! You know the old saying, “Happy wife, happy life!”
For her: What sexual needs or desires do I need to communicate with my husband?
For him: What do I need to change about my approach to romance and sex with my wife?
For us: What are ways that we can each become more selfless with sex?
Used by permission. Cornerstone Christian Fellowship.