Marriage Devotional Day 10 - When Submission Listens
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24
One of the most hated and misunderstood passages in scripture regarding marriage also has the potential to unlock every dream you ever had for him, ladies!
Typically, a man’s deepest need is to feel respected. Honored. Heard. It’s the impetus for most men to sense true value. In all honesty, he probably already knows you love him. He needs to know you value him. Submission communicates that – not the ‘roll over and play dead’ submission that sometimes gets erroneously communicated in this passage. But the kind of submission that is driven by love and respect – the kind of submission that says ‘I know you, value you, hear you.’
It’s the same kind of submission we demonstrate to Jesus as the church. We value him. We trust him. We respect his role and position. And though we may not always understand, and certainly at times we question, we show him love by respecting his role.
Some men make respect more difficult to offer. Some men are hardened, angry men who choose anger and emotional distance over honesty. Those actions would never command respect for the individual. But position and role demand it.
A quick search of antonyms for respect gives some insight to why sometimes husbands struggle knowing they are loved through the medium of respect: criticism, neglect, disregard. Even if those characteristics are occasional, they can leave a gaping hole in a man’s heart. And because a man’s philosophy on injury is ‘rub dirt on it and keep going’, he’ll rarely confess that deep hurt. His ‘dirt’ could be anger and his ‘keep going’ may be emotional distance.
Read Ephesians 5:21-33
This passage doesn’t predicate itself on being married to someone respectable. It’s simply a treatise on how to help a husband sense a wife’s love and respect.
For her: Spend this week finding moments to compliment your husband on meaningful moments – leadership, decision making, or parenting success. It’s a sure key to unlock his heart.
For him: Admit your hurt. Dirt and distance are killers of intimacy and respect. It feels awkward and weak, but revealing that deep part of your heart is a first step toward making it whole.
For us: Because men aren’t always the best communicators (or the best at receiving compliments), and because sometimes moments deserving adoration escape us all, create a creative way to compliment one another. Place a jar in the dining room and place in it compli- slips – little notes recounting moments you catch one another being amazing. Or create a sticky note zone on the bathroom mirror for a daily ‘something I saw in you that really impressed me’ – and then use it prolifically.
Used by permission. Cornerstone Christian Fellowship