Day Three: Creating Oneness in Marriage
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Genesis 2:24
When God created Adam, Eve, and marriage, He said, “the two are united into one”. His intention was to bring man and woman—two radically different people—together as one. On our wedding day, we became one in the eyes of God. We committed to doing more than love each other in good times and bad, or in sickness and health. We committed to being united as one in every area of our lives. When we marry, we do more than combine homes—we mesh needs, attitudes, hopes and dreams.
The unity of marriage as God created it, reveals His plan for an unbroken and strong team spirit. God knew it was not good for man to be alone, and he knew that two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
To succeed in marriage you need to work as a team in a number of areas. One critical area
to practice “oneness” is the importance of making decisions together. When you are making significant decisions related to money, children, jobs, etc., consulting each other and respecting each other’s say in the matter is crucial. Keep in mind these are significant decisions—not about whether to have beef or chicken for dinner.
Let me give you a few examples. Let’s say your spouse came home proudly riding their shiny new Harley without even discussing it with you. Or, your spouse planned a vacation, or told your mother-in-law she could stay with you for a month, all without consulting you. You may feel very overwhelmed and betrayed. Situations like these are bound to generate hurt feelings, and possibly deep anger and resentment that can break down the marriage team.
God put husband and wife together to be a team, to be one. He has given us each unique perspectives. You may not realize it, but your spouse sees a part of the world that you can’t see. Their input should be invaluable to you, as yours is to them. Living as one doesn’t just happen, it takes time and effort. We can work to build oneness by being a team player instead of keeping score or waiting for the other person to see things your way.
For her: Do you ask your spouse’s opinion as you make decisions about money, family, etc.? Do you step back and consider your spouse’s point of view on things you don’t readily agree with?
For him: Do you let selfish desires get in the way of discussing things with your wife? When out with your wife this week, make a point to hold her hand. It’s a simple—yet powerful—way to show “oneness”.
For us: Do you have a plan in place that determines what qualifies as a significant decision? Spend some time making a list of what is “significant” for each of you and discuss it together this week.
Used by permission. Cornerstone Christian Fellowship